Talk about girl power. This song took a little while to grow on me but now I listen to it and feel a little bit of that Spice Girl era female empowerment.

Lost in the Right Direction

After graduating from college I have found myself feeling lost in universe. After what I like to consider a four year era of living the collegiate dream, my reign as a sorority girl, student, roommate, and resident hot mess has come to an abrupt end. The transition into the real world and this new way of life is scary and not as gradual as one could hope. You move home, wake up the next morning, and realize that this is what everyday for a while would like. No money and swimming in student loan payments life starts coming at the recent graduate a hundred miles per hour with no hope of a slow down. In the past few weeks I have reflected on my time not fully immersed in adulthood, my decisions were temporary and did not have the safe effect on my life as they do now. Looking for that first job, the real world relationship, and balancing the ever complicated new roommate (parents) relationship is a lot hard than anyone ever warned me it would be.
As I continue down this road we call life (singing "Boy Meets World" theme song in my head) I have decided to allow passion, excitement, and my gut lead me. I think that if I pursue my passion then everything should fall into place. However, a small problem I have encountered while developing my new manifesto about how to live passionately, I have come to the conclusion that I am not sure what exactly it is in the world that I am passionate about. I have created a passion list, it is a list of all the things that I really believe in or have fallen madly in love with. By writing them down I hope to never miss an opportunity to follow something that I am invested in.
This passion/excitement quest has lead me to a place where I am forced to take a leap out of comfort zone. I have to leave the safety of the family company and not feeling the pressure to give my all and share my passion everyday. As I follow this passion of mine that I have had since my glory days of high school I find myself facing new challenges. I am going to be an event planning intern. This is never something that I expected to be getting out of college however my love of the job has lead me to this amazing opportunity to learn from the best. Taking the step and leaving this job where people know me, what I am capable of, and the type of person I am to move into an unknown environment is scary but I am ready to take this step and start the wild ride that will become my life.
In terms of all the "other" stuff aka the rest of my life outside the potential career, I am beginning to learn that it is all about what feels right. I am learning that if a friendship doesn't seem right then it probably isn't and it might be time to move on. I am learning what it is I deserve from a romantic relationship and how to love myself enough to let go of the ones that are not making me feel passion or excitement. I am learning to navigate an adult relationship with my family and how to balance being my own person, that I got to be for the past four years, with the person that my parents want and expect me to be. I am trying to trust my gut and do what makes me feel good. Happiness isn't something that you just get to feel, it something you have to work at tirelessly. You have to fight to be happy and never let up on doing the things that are going to make you the best version of yourself. Because that my darlings, is the person that people out here in the real world want to meet.

Man Child

Man-Child: An adult-looking man with the mental capacity of a child when it comes to certain subjects. *

In almost every woman's life there will come a time when she will find herself interacting with a man-child. Whether it is in the work place, in a social setting, or the person she finds herself dating. Man-children are immensely frustrating because it is not always apparent that beneath this tough rugged manly appearance is the maturity level of a 14 year-old boy. So women can sometimes be tricked and not realize until a decent ways into the relationship that this man is not the adult that he appears to be. Dealing with a man-child is hard because children know that they are children however this man really believes that he is a fully functional adult male whose mental age matches his physical appearance. A man-child is not always ready for a mature relationship so it can feel like something that you already went through, maybe back in the good old high school days. He acts one way around his friends, always thinks he knows best, and is not always the most reliable of people.
When working with a man-child a woman finds herself having the balance being mature and over stepping into condescending bitchood. It is hard for women in the working world to be assertive and tell a man when he is acting like an adolescent and making things more difficult. A layer of complexity is added when this man is your superior. Immaturity in the work place makes working a little more difficult because there is a threat of distraction or of hostile inter-office contact. 
When dating a man-child, things become even more difficult. You immediately assume either the motherly role or the bitchy girlfriend role. You are forced to constantly correct the things that your boyfriend is doing that appear rude or deviate from traditional social norms. Little comments that he would make while with his drunken friends are not appropriate for alone time with your significant other. For example- this weekend a girlfriend told me that her SO was rude to a woman on a bus, while he thought he was being funny the woman was offended. While in front of his friends a cheeky comment like that could be seen as funny or flirtatious but with a girlfriend the comment comes off as condescending. When my friend got annoyed by it her man had to ask what do I say to make it better? She responded, "I'm sorry and I won't do something like that again", he repeated the statement. This was a prime example of needing to mother in a relationship. A 22-year-old man should know that if he offends his girlfriend all he needs to say is I am sorry that I did something that would upset you, it was not my intention. However the man-child does not know how to do this, he needs to be told. 
This process is hard because as an adult you do not want to be parenting your boyfriend by saying that wasn't ok and this is what needs to be done to make it better. You also don't want to come off as a high maintenance girlfriend by being constantly irritated by behavior that seems immature to you. He can also be inconsistent with phone calls or text messages which in turn can make a woman feel like he just simply does not care. 
It can be complicated and difficult because in some ways this man is incredible and he values some great things but in other ways it feels more like work than a partnership. The issues that arise in this situation are difficult to navigate and should be handled with care. 








*My own made up definition for the purpose of writing this

Girl in a Country Song

This is hilarious video touches on this ridiculous standard set for women today. As a lover of country music I have never stopped to think about what these songs are suggesting about women and the expectations that men have from these songs. The songs talks about the cliche's set up in the music industry today and then puts men in the "woman's" role!

A little piece of history

In moving forward it is key to use to the past as building block for a stronger future. I wanted to share a speech that I wrote for my senior will, it is a little piece of me that I wanted to leave behind in the organization where I spent my 4 years of college. I feel in love with my sorority and my sisters and without Phi Sig, the zeta zeta chapter, I would not be who I am today. 

I want to start with a forewarning: this may take more than the allotted 2 minutes but I have served my time in this chapter for 4 years so I have decided I am entitled to say everything I need to say.

So senior wills are mostly the same thing being said again and again. They are emotional, sappy, and can get a little monotonous and boring. I would like to talk to you guys today as the self-proclaimed ruler of the land of bad decisions. I am here to hop off the hot mess express for a few minutes to talk to you about being a liability and a sister for the past 4 years. I might cry a little bit because as you know I am most likely to crying during a pregame while shoving nips into my top. I wish I could stand up here and tell you that I was hopelessly devoted to this chapter since day 1, but that would be a lie and I am not going to stand up here and tell you things aren’t true. I am going to be honest, Greek life was a way to get closer my older OL Greek life first crush, get over my ex, and extend my social life beyond the new haven club scene. I also came for the killer t-shirts and philanthropy profile pictures so everyone would know just how involved I am.

I want to say something to the new members first, hi ladies. You might know me as the senior who is constantly making a scene, yelling about something, and always in some kind of predicament. I want to tell you right now that the next 4 years are going to be the most incredible roller coaster ride you have ever been on. Things will get hard, there will be drama, and you will feel fed up and angry some days but stick it out, these are your sisters and things will get messy at times but they will also be beautiful. Now you might think I’m a little crazy but I want to let you know that it is good to be me. It is good to be the fun one, the person to complain to, or the one any sister can call when she needs to go out for a drink (or 5). One of you will take on my role by your senior year and to that woman I want to wish you luck because these are some big shoes to fill. I hope all of you, including sophomores and juniors, will take a little advice from me and live it up. Don’t be afraid to take risks and even act ridiculous sometimes. It is ok to make a scene. The memories that will come from being a hot mess will stick with you forever and your sisters will be the ones there to help you fix the pieces of your shambly life.

I want to give a shout out to my amazing LDF fam. Thank you for putting up with my shenanigans over the last couple of years. I am out of control, I know and I’m working on it (lol). You guys have supported me through everything and there are no words to describe my love for you. I want to tell everyone that my twin, our sweetheart, is the most amazing man. He taught me what I deserve from others, how I should be treated, and how to channel my inner Queen B. To my little who is not here right now I want to say that I never knew a love could exist like the love I feel for you. I found a little princess who I utterly adore and think is the most precious princess on this planet. I found someone too look out for. I know I sound creepy and obsessive but that’s exactly what my love for you is. G babe, GG, and 3 G you ladies are my rockstars. I have a lot to say to you but I wont bore the whole chapter, I’ll make you sit through that alone. It has been hard for me to surrender control to the younger generations, that fate of this family means everything to me but I can honestly say I could not be more proud of the women in this family. I know you’ll carry on my legacy after I am gone, fulfill the roles of your nicknames, and live up to the LDF name. I love, adore, and respect you more than I can even describe and am so happy that I can call you my younger sisters.

I am now standing at the finish line of this marathon called college I can tell you my original reasons for joining have nothing to do with the reasons I stayed. While most of my time in Phi Sig has been devoted to fun and games, just like I thought it would when I accepted my bid, over the course of the last 4 years I found something I did not even know I was looking for or needed. This organization helped me to find, believe in, and love myself. I could have never done this without my sisters. I have had the pleasure to meet some of the most incredible, strong, confident, funny, educated, and worldly women. I found my soul mates here, I found my best friends, and I found my bridesmaids (now all I need is to find a man). The relationship we in this room have is different, we are sisters. We can be who we are and say what we feel because the women in this room share your letters and that means they share a piece of your heart. We share pride in ourselves, in our organization, and most importantly in our values. Having you all as my sisters means that I know I will never face this world alone. The love I have for you and this chapter is a forever kind of thing.

When we signed our bid cards we became part of something bigger but the way I see it is something bigger became a part of me. I have not always been happy or easy going when it came to rules and regulations but I know without those rules I wouldn’t be here today, meaning I probably wouldn’t have made it passed freshman year. When I am forced to walk across the library steps and get a piece of paper that says I worked my butt off the last 4 years there is no one else that I want beside me more than my sisters. So while I did originally come here for a good time, cool shirts, and the ability to grow as a social butterfly, is not what I am going to miss when this is all over. I am going to miss this incredible sisterhood and the amazing people I cannot thank for making me into the woman I am today.

So Lets Talk About Sexy?

Sexy: sexually interesting or exciting; radiating sexuality; excitingly appealing; glamorous.

-according to Dictionary.com

I would never use the word sexy to describe myself. I do not consider myself a sexy person and according to the definition listed above my self-categorization of non-sexy girl is correct. I consider myself more in the awkward category. And I do not mean awkward in a cute wearing my glasses and twirling my hair kind of way, the sexy nerdy thing. I mean awkward in the sense that I trip over imaginary objects, push my glasses up the bridge of nose while I am slumped over my computer, and have absolutely no idea how to approach a man.

While in an intimate situation I would like to think that I am sexy and maybe even seductive but I don’t think uncontrollable giggling constitutes the title of "sexy woman who knows what she is doing". I rely heavily on sarcasm, which unfortunately often goes over people’s heads, and I come off as the bitch that I secretly am during girl’s only dinner. I find myself resorting to Helga Patacky, you know the girl with the unibrow from “Hey Arnold”, while attempting to flirt. I tease or am sometimes down right mean. While this does not make me traditionally sexy it does make me a really solid wingman. It turns me into the kind of friend every gal wants by her side on a manhunt at the bar. 

In the post-grad life in order to get noticed at the local bar a woman needs to exude both sexiness and confidence in order to gain attention from the opposite sex.  I am not usually lucky enough to be that woman however, I have started to discover something that I think might be a key to success for a non-traditional sex appeal. I try to just be plain old exciting. I try to go about my business fearlessly. For example I will break traditional gender roles and walk across the bar to the bathroom unaccompanied. I like to trade in the tasteless vodka tonic or super fruity drink for a good ol’ beer. I’ve even begun to just wear comfortable clothes that make me happy rather than an uber tight dress which I would usually find myself pulling and adjusting all night. In my new way of life comfort is key.

While on my single post-grad man hunt I have decided to abandon this warped view of what women should do to be sexy or even the notion that a woman needs to be sexy. My adult version of myself finds comfort in taking a date to the baseball game, where I am comfortable in converse and a baseball hat. I drink beers and cheer for my team. Trading in stilettos for sneakers was probably the best choice I have made in a while. While my date thought my screaming for my team or knowledge of the players was a bit intense he appreciated my enthusiasm and hopefully my comfort. And although he probably would not say it was a sexy date, it was a fun night where two people could get to know one another without one constantly trying to readjust her uncomfortable undergarments because she was attempting to have that sexy look Victoria’s Secret tells her she needs to score a man.

While I am not a sexy woman and I hope that I do not stand alone here, I do think I am an ok kind of woman. I believe that being who you are and doing what you want to do will make more people want to be around you. Although I may not be the first one approached at the bar I like to think I am the kind of person that my friends and people I care for want to be around. I like to be the personality in the group not the girl invited to keep the sexy quota up in the group. 

Summer Song of the Moment

This song is incredibly beautiful. I find myself listening to it all day. It's perfect for getting ready for work or a social activity, for listening to in the office, or listening to while relaxing in the sun. The song is scarily accurate about life. As far as covers are concerned this one is really beautiful

Here Goes Nothing...

As a recent graduate from a fabulous four year institution it seemed the only thing to do after graduation was to start a blog. I hope to share stories from this post-grad mess that I call my day-to-day life. I also want to share fashion tips, make-up tips, and really anything else that I am passionate about. I know that the one adjective I always use to describe myself is passionate. I think it is a highly romantic word that really shows a deep yet unconfined trait. It's ideal really because everyone wants to know a passionate person, they bring a little spice to life.
After graduating college I look back and realize that the last four years taught me vital skills for my future career however being the indecisive Jewess that I am, who knows what that future is. I don't know what the rest of my life has in store for me but looking at my past I know it is going to be an interesting ride.
So I invite people to come aboard the hot mess express that is my life and take this journey with me. I can't wait to start living everyday of the rest of my life and sharing the experience with everyone!

Peace and Love~~